Archive for April 2005

I don’t need too many people validating my existence.
My fulfillment is my own!

This is what I’ve been telling myself these past few days. Too much stuff going on in
my mind, all at the same time. Been giving me oh so many sleepless nights nowadays. 

As each night falls… as I lay in bed… I don’t really know if I should go to sleep feeling happy or sad. And it’s not that I can tell myself how I should feel… I’m just all so
mixed up inside that I’m trying very hard to compartmentalize if that is at all possible. 

You see, frustrations, anger, dismay and whatever else there is… is slowly,
slowly killing me. 

I may not look like it, but this is so far the lowest point I’ve ever felt in my entire
freaking life. 

God save me… 



Posted on: April 26, 2005

artist: Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance,
for a break that would make it okay.

There’s always some reason
to feel not good enough,
and it’s hard, at the end of the day.
I need some distraction,
Oh, beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty,
Oh, and weightless,
And maybe I’ll find some peace tonight.

In the arms of the angel,
fly away from here,
from this dark, cold hotel room,
and the endlessness that you feel.

You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverie.
You’re in the arms of the angel,
may you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line,
and everywhere you turn,
there’s vultures and thieves at your back.

The storm keeps on twisting.
Keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack.

Don’t make no difference,
escape one last time.
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness,
Oh, this glorious sadness,
that brings me to my knees.


You’re in the arms of the angel,
may you find some comfort here.


I miss the old ME!Nowadays, everything seems to affect me easily. More often than not, I get depressed right away with just about anything. Once this feeling starts, it is so hard to let go.

The old me was so carefree. Not really minding on what the world has to say. Growing up was a breeze. I was always surrounded by friends and classmates, mostly with happy dispositions. They’ve been my wall, protecting me from the harsh world out there.

I’ve had my share of ups and downs. I’ve always had people around me to share those with. But when the friends that really mattered went away, I was like paralyzed. I didnt realize until now how I’ve been so dependent and attached to them in accessing who I really am and what Im capable of doing. I hope to be able to fix this situation soon.

To Fay and Chickie: Thank you for keeping me SANE!

To Batong, Mokai, CJ and Jkee: Distance will never be an issue from now on. I will always keep in mind that you are all just a call away.

To Ian and Crissie: I miss you both terribly! You’re in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort there.


Posted on: April 11, 2005