I SING ALONE MY THOUGHTS ALONG

Archive for October 2005

I Am

Posted on: October 2, 2005

I am the kid who makes people’s faces light up every time my mother brings me to the “masiao center” in Colon. I often give out the next day’s winning combination.

I am the classmate whose birthday parties everyone looks forward to.

I am the soccer player who makes sure that my name appears last on the substitution list… hoping I never get to play. I just want the uniform.

I am the classmate who always carries my camera wherever I go, snapping pictures away.

I am the C.A.T. official who takes shelter in the school canteen while the rest are under the scorching heat of the sun.

I am the classmate whom they thought lived a perfect life and was envied by many. They just don’t know I’m more envious of them than they are of me.

I am the student who filed for LOA because my father grounded me for passing only PE on my second semester at UP.

I am the newbie who caught nothing but curious stares when I wore the school uniform on the Monday of exam week (when everyone else was wearing casual clothes).

I am the failure who, for the first time, stood up in front of many people to sing in a friend’s funeral, only to find out I can’t carry the tune because I was too devastated to do so. I will never try to do this again.

I am the girl who is always ridiculed about being fat. Most of the time I let it pass but there are just times that it gets into my nerves. Especially if it’s from a kid whose mother stands beside him as if cheering him on that what he’s doing is the right thing. I pity the child for having such a parent.

I am the person who tried not to care what others had to say. The tears made it obvious I failed.

I am the friend, who is anything but perfect, yet always trying her very best… efforts only to go unnoticed.

I am the person others believe they know, but they actually don’t… yet they have no qualms in interpreting me.

I am the dreamer who wishes for so much, tries so fuckin’ hard, but might as well have never bothered in the first place.

I am the person who saw that life isn’t just black and white but instead, is a thousand shades of gray.

I am the older sister who has taken the responsibility of being a mother and father to you. I hope I’ve raised you well.

I am the sister who would rather go hungry than see you starve.

I am the sibling who longed for an older biological brother.

I am the daughter who hasn’t spoken to my father since June.

I am still hurting after having received “just” a text message informing me of his wedding to a woman whom I didn’t know existed and was young enough to be my sister. A very important family issue over a text message? Talk about technology. Duh!

I am the forgetful who always misplaced the remote control… flipping everything over only to realize it was on the TV.

I am the employee who offers my services so much, but don’t know why I bother since I am bound to go unrecognized anyways.

I am the secret admirer who doesn’t wanna have feelings for you, yet dreams of you, wishing you knew despite not wanting you to know.

I am the one who hasn’t given up in trying to please the people who cannot be pleased.

I am the friend who goes all out for my friends… not minding doing more as long as all of you are happy. That is all that matters.

I am the girl who can’t look at you directly when I see you almost everyday, knowing that you don’t like me personally. I don’t know why but I’ve always wanted to be your friend. Am I not worthy to be one?

I am the chick who took a gamble and told you how I felt.

I am the special friend who really got hurt when you told me that you were falling for my best friend.

I am the person who forgives but never forgets. Once hurt badly, the trust is broken and can never be retrieved.

I am the person who wishes the world to be a better place.

I am, as of this writing, craving for Kahayag’s chorizo rice or better yet Handuraw’s pepperoni pizza.

I am that kid. I am that girl. I am that friend. Yet I am nothing without all of you.